EchoList Directory

Obsessive Love and a Wounded Friendship
I was working as an exotic dancer when I met my husband. I loved the freedom that the stagesex web cams zoom11 gave me to express my sensuality and sexuality. I was impressed that my work didn’t make him insecure or jealous. I couldn’t have a relationship with anyone that would squelch my creativity.
One night he brought his best friend Jake in to meet me. My sex web cams zoom11
heart was in my throat when I saw him, he was one of the most gorgeous men I had ever laid eyes on in my life.
It was an instant attraction, on my part anyways. sex web cams zoom11
I wanted him right then and there. I stood there and tried to carry on a conversation all the while thinking what it would be like to have sex with him.
My husband knew well that one of my biggest fantasies was to be with two men. I hoped that Jake was just what I was looking for to make my dream a reality. Little did I know that within a few months it would come to surface.
One day he came home from work and asked sex web cams zoom11
me straight out if I wanted to have sex with Jake. I was shocked but excited. Of course I did, so we planned it.
The day of the threesome, was very awkward and at times nerve wracking, but, it was a very enjoyable experience. The passion between Jake and I was so intense , I hadn’t felt anything that strong in my life.
Afterwards, I tried to forget him, but I couldn’t
A few years went by and we spoke from time to time, just basic “how is everyone?”. Catching up, those sorts of conversations that friends have. Normal, every day conversation. He had moved to Wyoming and we were about to move to Nevada.
After we had settled in Nevada, Jake called to say he was going to come visit. I immediately became a bundle of nerves in anticipation of seeing him again. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I kept questioning myself what was wrong with me?
A few days later Jake arrived and I began shaking when I heard the car pull up, and heard my husband and him talking as they walked to the doorway . “Get yourself together”. I thought to myself. The door opened and we hugged. I was a nervous wreck and went back into the kitchen to finish dinner that I would end up just picking at.

The visit was nice, we went gambling, we made love, they got drunk and played air-guitar in the back-yard. All the while I still wasn’t getting much sleep. At night I would wake up and just watch him sleep, totally ignoring my own husband’s peaceful face.

This time when Jake left I cried and was depressed for weeks. I thought about him 24 hours a day 7 days a week. This was becoming an obsession yet I didn’t realize it. When I would go out to the store I would see personalized products and I would always look for his name. It didn’t matter what it was as long as it said “Jake” I was going to look at it. When my husband and I played scrabble at night, I would find words that associated with him, and use those. I was spinning out of control and fast.

About a month later Jake called and said he was moving to the East Coat I was mortified, he would be all the way across the country from me, what was I going to do? I immediately started sending my husband’s résumé out to any and all companies on the East Coast in hopes we would end up in the same state. Months went by, but my husband was asked to fly to Virginia for an interview.
When my husband arrived from his interview I was told that he got the job and that we had three weeks to get out there. I was shocked, scared and happy at the same time.


About two days later on my birthday Jake called with Birthday wishes for me and said he was happy we were moving there and how fun it would be to be on the same side of the Country. I felt reassured that this was going to be a good thing. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I was getting sicker by the day. I started taking an anti-depressant. On the move, I had a nervous breakdown and was put on anti-anxiety medication as well as two different anti-depressants. The whole time, my goal was to get to Jake and be close to him, so I could see him again. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was completely ignoring my marriage. Too much of my time was spent thinking about Jake.

Once we got to our new home , my husband started his new job, and I busily unpacked the house and got everything arranged. Things were going smoothly at home, but thoughts of Jake were still constant in my mind. By this time, Jake had gotten engaged to the woman he had been dating for years. I was so jealous of her. I liked her, she was nice, but she had what I wanted, what I craved.

Christmas of that year Jake came to visit, his Fiancé’ Mary was visiting friends on the West Coast, and would be back by Christmas Day, so he decided to spend a few days with us. The day he was to arrive, my husband came to me and told me we needed to talk. I sat on the bed as he told me that Jake had asked him to tell me that there would be no physical contact on this visit, that he was trying to be faithful to Mary. I acted like that was OK, but I was enraged inside. I went to the spare bedroom and placed a professional nude photo of myself on the desk. And shut the door.


When he arrived I acted normal and pretended that nothing was bothering me. We had dinner, we talked, and then we all headed off to bed. I heard his door shut, it was right across the hall from our bedroom. I left the door open and seduced my husband, moaning as loud as I could so that he would hear us making love. I felt very evil inside, “he deserves this” I thought to myself.

When I got up the next morning he and my husband were downstairs. I snuck into the spare room and saw that the corner of my nude photo was folded as if someone had been grasping it. I then knew that he had pleasured himself looking at my picture and went on downstairs feeling like I had won a victory. That feeling didn’t last long. Suddenly a feeling of rage came over me. I had an empty cup in my hand and I threw it over his head where he was sitting at the table. “What is wrong with you?”. My husband asked.
“Him.” I said pointing at Jake.
“How dare you.” I said looking Jake squarely in the eyes. “How dare you use me like you did and now throw me away like garbage on a Monday morning.” I stormed up the stairs to my bedroom and cried.
About 10 minutes later I heard a knock at my bedroom door. It was Jake. I let him in, he had tears in his eyes.
“I am sorry Sam, I wasn’t trying to hurt you, I am just trying to be faithful to Mary. ”.he said
“Oh, so I was good enough to have sex with BEFORE you got engaged, but now I am just trash?”. I said
He hugged me and kept telling me how sorry he was and we both cried.
Later that morning I watched him drive away, still in the clutches of anger and grief.

My insides were tortured for weeks, months maybe. I felt so rejected and no man had ever rejected me in the past, so I was dealing with feelings I hadn’t ever felt.
The day he married Mary (they went overseas) I felt like it was a funeral. I tried to be happy for them, but I was so unhappy for me. Why? I had no claim on this man.

It’s called Obsessive Love

In healthy relationships, idealization helps people believe that perhaps they have found the person of their dreams. But healthy people give themselves a safety net called reality. They hope their relationship will work out but also recognize that it may not.
Obsessive lovers, on the other hand, work without this net as they struggle for balance on romantic expectations. In the heightened reality of obsessive passion there is no room for doubt., this person will love them somehow, someway, someday.

That was where I was. I just knew that Jake must love me. How could he make love to me and cry with me and not love me?
I would call him at work and pick fights with him, I would email him incessantly . When he would ignore me, I would call more and more no matter how angry he was with me. I didn’t care how HE felt. At that point it was all about me.
I threatened suicide on more than one occasion, in gory detail, with details of how I wanted to look at my funeral mixed in. I had no idea what this was doing to him, and I didn’t care at that particular moment.

He and my husband drifted apart, mostly because I was consuming all of Jake’s time and energy.

Jake and Mary eventually got divorced, and after a few months I decided to try to make my move once again.
We exchanged messages via the internet on a nightly basis. We talked about whether we could just have a fun, casual sexual relationship with no strings attached. I fooled myself into thinking that I could because I wanted him near me in any way I could have him.
I would visit his town for a couple of days every couple of months and we would get together and make love, and lie around and talk, and enjoy each others company, but every time he left and I looked out the hotel window and watched him get into his car and drive away I making yourself even less desirable.
You can find a loving relationship, you must stop comparing your “obsession” to people you meet, sex web cams zoom11 otherwise you have set your expectations too high, and you will remain miserable.

posted by kmg1 at 21/09/06 12:06 PM | 0 comment(s)

echolist directory

echolist directory
08-26-2005 is the current date.

Echolist Directory is a search engine optimization competition held by echolist.com.
This contest was designed for the keyword echolist directory on the most common
search engine www.google.com. Competitors will try to push their websites or
web pages to the position of #1, #2 or #3 in GOOGLE search results.

On April 10, 2005 ECHOLIST.COM (a directory website) prepared to start the contest.
They searched on Google for the keyword 'echolist directory' and got only 150 results.
After that, on on 15th April 2005 the contest was officially started and announced publicly.

The contest will end on 31st December 2005 at which time the organizer will do
a Google search for the keyword 'echolist directory' and whoever achieves
the first position will receive the Grand Prize.
First Place - $1,000
Second Place - $250
Third Place - $100
The Prizes for each check point is $100 (check points will be decided by the organizer)

This is actually an interesting contest! Webmasters, join and win the prizes!

Tips: create a web page, name it echolist directory (keywords in directory name or
file name), put the keywords on the title, meta tags such as description, keywords...,
page content (should use header tags such as H1, H2), and other possible places.
You should apply the style bold (), emphasize (, ), underline () to
the keywords. Also remember to update the page content regularly with new text.
Links from other websites to your page is also important for your site's ranking.

echolist directory

I'm a contestant in the Echolist Directory contest
The contest is brought to you by the Echolist Directory.


Nguyen Minh Kha
A web developer from TBL MEDIA INC.
Email: minhkha@tblmedia.com

echolist directory ~ Fortuno Winnero ~ echolist directory contest ~ Fortuno Winnero

TBL MEDIA INC. provides website design & development services for US market
TBL VIETNAM cung cap dich vu thiet ke web site cho thi truo

posted by kmg1 at 27/08/05 12:14 AM | 0 comment(s)